Strengths in Focus

How long does transformation take?

Chris — Mon, 14 May 2012 12:28:23 +0000

That’s what we want to know, isn’t it? When will the slim, healthy me emerge? How long until my checkbook matches the abundance in rest of my life? Will I meet the love of my life today? When will I finally feel alive and fully aligned with Me?

The truth is, a nanosecond separates here from there. Getting to that nanosecond may take longer, but the distance between here and the is actually a wisp of time. So, when we witness change that seemed impossible or, at least, improbable, before the transformation, it wakes us up to possibility.

That is how this 10-minute video impacted me. Say what you will about Tony Robbins rah-rah motivational style with audiences, (and I’ve not been kind in my internal judgment about this), the man knows transformational change.

Here, in a single intervention, he helps a 32-year-old man break through a lifetime of stuttering. Notice the steps – what he does and does not do.

First, he listens, hearing both the story and the feeling behind it.
Next, he does not focus on the problem, but rather asks about “Bright Spots” in his life: what been right and good.
Only then, because the man says he has stuttered “as long as I can remember,” does Robbins ask him to go back to his earliest memory. (I won’t spoil it by telling you the connection that gets made here, but it is pretty cool.)
Then, he names the stuttering behavior as strong and right and brilliantly effective in accomplishing it’s purpose – for the 2-year-old who did it, but not for the 32-year-old trying to make his way in the world.
Finally, Robbins renames him the “warrior,” separating him from the 2-year-old identity and the very functional strategy that child used to survive.

Listen to when the man speaks clearly and fluently – and when he does not. It will blow you away – and perhaps move you closer to that nanosecond in which your life can be transformed. It all starts with honoring – and focusing your attention on – your “Bright Spots.”

Watch, and be inspired.

Five things I’ve learned from resilient kids

Chris — Mon, 07 May 2012 14:36:52 +0000

Over the course of 30 years, I worked with kids of every description: profoundly delayed preschoolers, autistic kids, language delayed kids, institutionalized kids, natural leaders, high risk teens and more. No matter what the challenge, I was constantly blown away by their sheer resiliency and spirit. Everything I teach, write and speak about has its roots in what I learned from those kids.

Here are five things those kids knew – and the rest of us could learn from. (Isn’t it fascinating that researchers and thought leaders are coming to the same conclusions?)

Lesson 1: No matter how much I stare at, curse, talk about or bemoan my lousy circumstances, there is some stuff I just can’t control – and it’s really not worth my time trying. It’s best to focus on what’s next.

Lesson 2: I am way, way stronger than I think I am – and that is really worth knowing.

Lesson 3: I’m still standing on two feet. That means something. I want to know why (how I did it).

Lesson 4: When you are weird – whether that means poor, overweight, “slow,” awkward, ugly, out of place or whatever – it’s best to just be who you are. It saves a lot of time and grief, and people are more likely to think you are good-weird instead of weird-weird!

Lesson 5: It’s not that hard to tell whether someone has good intentions or not. Trusting that instinct saves a lot of time and energy. When your insides say not to trust someone, listen.

A leap of faith

Chris — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 12:55:44 +0000

Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith.
~ Margaret Shepherd

Did this quote (thank you gratefulness.org) resonate with you? Me too!

I don’t want to say too much about it, as it is one of those ideas that is powerful all by itself. But I do want to say this:

You needn’t wait until it feels like the only available transportation.

In fact, a leap of faith a day may be just what the doctor ordered! Imagine if, every day, on purpose, you made the choice to take a leap of faith?

What if today…. You chose to believe that your body knows exactly how to heal itself, just how to feel better, and is doing so right this very moment. How would that impact your cold, backache, headache… whatever? And how would it impact your perspective on the day.

What if today… You chose to believe that everyone is out to help you on your path? How would it change the way you carry yourself and engage with others?

What if today… You chose to believe that you are loved and adored by the Universe and, better yet, that the Universe has your back – no matter what? How much braver would you be? How many more chances would you take at work and in your relationships?

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
~Wayne Dyer

Taking a leap of faith changes the way you see things, experience things and interpret things. A leap of faith is not just the belief that some unknown intelligence will catch you, but that the very act of leaping will help you catch yourself.

Either way, you win.

What is your leap of faith today?

Can optimism be learned?

Chris — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 02:30:59 +0000

This video kind of blew my mind.

This 108 year old woman, a survivor of the Holocaust death camps, still plays piano three hours a day, wrote a book when she was 104 and is the picture of vitality and joy. She admits that she was born optimistic and contrasts that with her sister, who most definitively, was not.

Remember the great scene from “When Harry Met Sally,” when Meg Ryan’s character fakes an orgasm in the middle of a diner and the older woman at the next table says, “I’ll have what she’s having!”? As someone who scored as “severely pessimistic” on Martin Seligman’s Learned Optimism Test, that’s how I feel about this woman: I’ll have whatever she’s having!

If you are like me, you are awed by, and more than a little envious of, those who are born optimistic. ”Can I learn to think that way?” we wonder. Seligman proposes that we can, and I tend to agree, though it takes a real commitment to new habits of thought.

Here’s the big difference: Optimists see “bad” events as temporary and circumstantial, and do not personalize them. On the flip side, they see “good” events in a more permanent, pervasive and personal. Pessimists do the exact opposite, seeing “bad” events as permanent, pervasive and personal, while minimizing ”good” events. You can see how this difference changes everything about how we experience life!

Changing this pattern is all about your self-talk and, in my experience, requires three critical steps:

Notice: Notice what the self-talk is. I think most of us feel the discomfort that comes with pessimistic thinking, as defined above, but often have become deaf to the actual self-talk that goes with it. So this step is all about getting quiet so you can hear your inner conversation: “You are such a loser.” “How could you have done that same stupid thing again!” “Why do you even try.” And on it goes…
Acknowledge: Get quiet and really feel the feeling that comes with it. You cannot shift the self-talk until you acknowledge it – and the feeling that comes with it. Feel the sadness or loss, the anger or hopelessness – not as a permanent state of being, but as a way of fully acknowledging and accepting it.
Pivot. That is, change the conversation in your head, gently walking yourself from where you stand to where you want to be. ”Do I wish I hadn’t spent money foolishly again? Of course, but I love it that I noticed so quickly this time. I can see that I am noticing sooner and sooner, and it won’t be long before I tune into my money choices before I spend the money. This is just a little bump in the road and the truth is that I am making better and better decisions all the time. This is just part of the process of tuning into myself about all kinds of things. Right now, in this moment, I can pick myself up and refocus on my desire to be intentional and wise in my money decisions. Things are getting better and better for me.”

In the beginning, you will need to pivot a LOT. Sometimes you will feel weary of the effort. But if you will stay with it, you will begin to feel more ease with it. The noticings will come faster, you will come to know your own self-talk well, and the pivots will be easier. Soon after that, this process will begin to move from the foreground of your conciousness to the the background of your funtioning. In other words, it becomes habit.

What happens next is a bit like an native English speaker learning French. For a long time, you think in English (car), then pivot to the new language (voiture). But, at some point along the way, after hundreds or even thousands of repetitions of this process, your mind skips the translation and simply begins to think in the new language. You see a motor vehicle and think “voiture,” skipping “car” altogether.

Not a born optimist? No worries. Just set the intention to notice, acknowledge and pivot each time you feel the discomfort of negative, self-defeating thoughts. If you will be persistent, you will soon be skipping the pivot and simply thinking in this new language. Oh, you’ll slip back in times of stress, but you now have the tools to get back to speaking the new language very quickly again.

You may not be a native born speaker of Optimism, but no one will be abel to tell.

*Alice’s book is: A Garden of Eden in Hell

Be the Purple Cow!

Chris — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 13:44:20 +0000

Marketing guru and author, Seth Godin, wrote a wonderful little tome titled, Purple Cow. In it, he tells the story of driving down the road, looking at the many brown and black cows in the field. It wasn’t long before he just stopped paying attention. What if, he thought, he drove over the next hill and there stood a purple cow? That he would notice. That would be remarkable!

Godin uses this analogy to tell businesses they need to be a Purple Cow (remarkable) to stand out in their field. But I began to wonder about the impact of all the little Purple Cow moments in our days.

I bet you know someone who has found their inner Purple Cow: an obsession with the local sports team, an unmistakable laugh, piercings or tattoos, a color they always wear, being generous, opinionated, loud, quiet, organized, chaotic, creative, happy, gruff. They may be many things in the world, but there is this one BE that sets them apart from the crowd.

There is something quite lovely about these people, for they seem unapologetic about their BE and this Purple Cow feature makes them stand out in our minds. Even if we wouldn’t want their BE, who they are makes our lives a little more interesting.

So what if you were remarkable – today, right now? What if, as you drive through your favorite coffee stop, you find a way to leave your mark: a smile, a compliment, a light joke. (After all, how easy is it to complain or shake your head at a terrible news story or rude customer?) What if, as you sit down for yet another meeting at work, you find a way to be remarkable, and thus change the mood of the entire meeting?

What if you went about your day with the dominant intention to be the Purple Cow? You may not change the world, but you would make the world a little more interesting.

And here’s the best: Have you noticed that when you see a Purple Cow, even a seemingly insignificant one, like people laughing or a funny license plate, your mind expands just a bit and you want to be more.

When you are remarkable, in the smallest ways and in the briefest moments, you make the world a more remarkable place. Maybe you do change the world!

I never thought I would issue such a weird challenge, but here it is. Today, in every moment…

Be the Purple Cow.

You’ll change my day, and perhaps I’ll pass it on.

7 ways to say “What you see is what you get.”

Chris — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 17:10:55 +0000

“What you see is what you get.”

I love the elegant simplicity of this thought. It’s the whole thing, the whole enchilada, this entire journey boiled down to one simple idea with so many different meanings you never stop discovering them.

But it doesn’t work for everyone, so here are seven different ways to say the same thing:

The story you tell is the story you live.
Where you focus, grows.
Change your thoughts, change your life.
Want to know your dominant thoughts? Look around your life. They are reflected there.
You are the creator of your own reality.
The whole of the Universe is held in this moment.
You can only manifest who you already are.

It’s not always good news (what if I can’t think of different thought?), but it is the best news, for it means we can change our lives right this moment, thought by thought, noticing by noticing, moment by moment.

Sweet. Now, what’s my new story?

How long have you been waiting?

Chris — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 01:36:00 +0000

I know. I know. Life happens. The kids need you. Your mother was sick. Your partner was going through a hard time. The economy tanked just as you…

Honestly, how many years has it been since you set the intention to: start a business, leave your job, visit your sister, get in shape, clear the closets, audition for a play, ask for a raise, go back to school, start writing again, lose 30 pounds, write that book, go on retreat, change careers, take the kids to Europe?

But here’s the thing: You don’t have to wait – not one minute more. Because it isn’t so much that you want to do these things as it is that you want to be the person who does these things! Do you get the difference? Read that sentence again. The vacation will come and go, but being a person who takes wonderful vacations is a state of mind. Losing 30 pounds is not that hard – you know exactly what to do – but being the person who thinks and lives 30 pounds lighter is a whole different way of being.

So think about this thing (or things) you’ve been intending to do for so long. Now, close your eyes and imagine being the person for whom doing this thing is easy and natural, just part of who they are. (Really, do it right now. It just takes a moment!) How does that feel? How did your body feel? Did you breath differently. Does it feel like your body would move differently? What about the expression on your face? Did the clinching of your teeth (and your mind) suddenly relax?

What would happen if you practiced this imagery in your mind’s eye every day? What if, just every once in a while, you took on that stride as you walk down the street? If you answered the phone that way? Did your work that way? Fixed dinner that way?

Everything you want, the stuff that seems to get delayed and delayed and delayed, is a state of mind first. Move into that state of mind and you’ll find yourself meeting the right people, finding new resources, entertaining great ideas and moving forward in ways you didn’t think possible.

The very real circumstances that have delayed you may not change, but who you are in the midst of them will.

The fastest way to connect with your “more”

Chris — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 01:51:59 +0000

Man, you started reading this one fast! Everybody wants to know how to make it happen now: feel better, be more successful, get what you want, change the way you think, and connect with that feeling that you are way more than what you allow each day. And why not? It feels so much better there, and you get so much more done, and it’s so much more fun!

So I won’t dally. Here’s how to quickly connect with your more: Amplify the “more” around you. Let me explain.

This is an infinitely abundant Universe. Just look inside a flower. Take in the night sky. Listen to Aretha Franklin sing. Marvel at art , dance, movies, Sesame Street, people on the street. Look at how much more money and cool stuff has appeared in the last 50 years. Same with knowledge, insight, innovation and creativity. The beauty, abundance and possibility are all seemingly infinite and unbounded.

And you are a child of this infinitely abundant Universe, part of its very being. There is no separation between you and all this magnificent abundance. It is you and you are it. Yet, much of the time, you feel so finite, so bounded, so limited, even in your imagination.

This is simply you in the habit of seeing limits. That’s why innovators and inventors are so amazing: they have different habits that allow them to see the “more” in what is, so they can imagine what has not yet manifested. (Read that again. It’s really good!)

When you amplify the “more” around you, you do the same thing as these creatives. Every time you comment on beauty, you shift. Every time you savor your coffee, you shift. Its that easy to shift the habit.

And get this. When you amplify the “more” in others, you change their focus, as well. When you notice (out loud) a grocery clerk’s lovely smile, you make them more. When you look that homeless person in the eyes and send a silent blessing, you make them more. When you choose to focus on a co-worker’s strengths instead of their faults, you make them more.

And when you make them more, you become more, for you are tuning into the infinite part of the world around you. You are training your brain into this new way of perceiving AND you become the origin of a ripple that impacts everyone you meet, and everyone they meet, and everyone they meet. Not only does that ripple change your environment, so it is easier to notice the abundance, ripple finds its way back to you. Bulls eye!

So when you notice the gap between what you are living and who you really feel you are, repeat this mantra: “I am a child of this infinitely abundant Universe, so I am infinitely abundant in every way.” Then act like it.

Ooh, I can feel everything shifting from here!

How to Live a Juicy Life

Chris — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 19:50:38 +0000

Yesterday, I wrote a beautifully crafted article called “Are you afraid of being more?” After a couple hours of editing and review, it was really, really go-o-o-d! And I did it all on my ipad – in a new app – that I had not yet tested. (You can see where this is going.)

Today, that masterpiece is but a distant, unsaved memory, mere dust in the ether of the cyber universe. Worse, that lovely narrative moment is gone from my mind, as well. Perhaps to return another day, but not today.

So, to salve my heartache and soothe my soul, I’ve written something decidedly light and energizing – and simple, as truth so often is.

How to live a Juicy Life
juic·y [joo-see] – 2. very profitable, appealing, interesting, satisfying, or substantive.

Think juicy thoughts
Do juicy things
Hang around juicy people
Repeat

(I thought about stopping right here, but I don’t want you to feel cheated so…)

Think juicy thoughts. You know all about this! Use your imagination to see beautiful people, places and events in your mind’s eye. Imagine outrageous success – with you in it! Imagine what you would do with a million bucks. Remember people you love. Be really, really tough with yourself about seeing beauty everywhere you look – really persistent!

Do juicy things. Laugh too hard at a dumb joke. Race down the back stairs to beat the elevator. Wear that tacky sweater – just so you can laugh at it with everyone in the office. Eat dessert first. Send your partner a love note in the middle of the day. Your purpose is to stay in that juicy place so that when “life happens,” you are standing in a great place emotionally – and able to respond accordingly.

Hang with juicy people. Come on, there’s got to be at least one. Be on the lookout for people with a great perspective, a great laugh, a great twinkle in the their eye. (Be forewarned: They may be getting more done than anyone else, so you may need to pick up your pace to stay up with them!) Make them “your people.”

Repeat. You’ll have to be persistent here, especially at the beginning. Your old habits of thought may want attention. But it won’t be long (about a month) before thinking, doing and living a juicy life is a habit.

This may sound like lightweight drivel to you, and there is certainly a world of research, study and strategies behind it with important, academic-sounding names. (Who would listen if they called it the study of juicy living??) But once the dust settles, it pretty much comes down to this. Think juicy thoughts. Do juicy things. Hang with juicy people.

Go, get started. A juicy life awaits!

Am I enough or am I more?

Chris — Sun, 26 Feb 2012 23:09:12 +0000

You know the answer to this question! Truth always resides in the seam of paradox. It’s the same kind of question that comes up with Eckhart Tolle’s work: Is life about living in the here and now or having something to look forward to? Or goal setting: Am I perfect as I am or ripe for improvement? Or visualization: Do I stay general or get specific?

In each case, the answer is the same: Yes!

You are always enough. You were born enough and you will die enough. And it is (only) from this knowing that you are enough, that you can know you are more.

So, ironically, the first step toward realizing the “more” that is you, is to find more in the present moment. Think about one or two people in your life who are constantly berating themselves or speaking ill of others. They may have a judgment about everything – and it is usually not positive. How easy is it to see that they are more than what you see. Takes a little work, right? And how long have they been this way? Probably a long time. And to what degree does it look like they are reaching their goals in life – not just financially, but overall? Probably… not so much.

Now think of someone who seems excited about life, who usually feels good, expects good things and is genuinely interested in others. To what degree does it look like they are reaching their goals in life – or at least having a good time along the way? They are becoming more, not because they or anyone else is not enough, but be because they are (enough, that is)!

You may think they are excited, energized and feeling good because they have become more. But the truth is, they have become more because they live as if they are enough. They see the “more” in their everyday life: more beauty, more in other people, more abundance. In doing so, they are able to see the “more” in themselves – and live into it.

Try it for a day (or a week). Begin each day with the mantra, “I am enough.” Write yourself notes where you’ll find them, leave yourself voice messages, do anything that will keep that thought front and center. Then notice how your “more” comes into focus, how so much more seems possible.

You are enough – and so, so much more. Be at peace with the first and you will find yourself living into the second.