I was reminded this week of one of the most powerful (and, of course, painfully simple) techniques to lay the groundwork for transformative relationships. We - my wife, my daughter and I - had arrived at a beautiful creative arts camp full of anxiety and questions. Our daughter was to be away from us for 12 days with nothing but letters to link us to her experiences with these new adults and friends. As we walked down the path to a world of strangers, the same question ran through all our minds: "What were we thinking! What if (fill in the blank with everything that can go wrong) happens and we can't reach each other?"

Before we had rounded the corner, a lovely young woman walked up the path to greet us with the words, "This must be the Trout family!" Our mouths gaping with surprise, she explained that she remembered our daughter's application photo and had been to my web site where she saw mine. Why? With scores of campers arriving that day, why did she know us? I can't begin to explain the feelings of trust and attachment that formed in that instant. She would look after my daughter. She was a good person. Everything would be alright. I knew logically that these things might not be true - but she knew our name!

I've seen this dynamic at work time after time in my travels: the Principle who greets every student in her school by name - every morning and requiring direct eye contact with every one; the Teacher who greets each new student by name and reflects some little piece of personal information she has about them - before they say a word; the Facilitator who remembers every participant's name after the initial introductions; the inner city neighbor who greets every kid on the street by name - and whose home is never, ever vandalized. Like Norm on the old Cheers television program, we all want to go "where everybody knows your name."

So, as fall arrives and you reflect on how you can really make a difference, remember KISS (keep it simple, stupid) and do the obvious before you lay plans for all the complicated programmatic or educational strategies. The young people and parents in your world will feel like I felt this week and entrust you with their very best. The rest is easy.
 

In the "Universe" section, list those tasks you'd like the Universe to take care of: bring me people and circumstances that inspire me and make me laugh, bring me evidence of my own abundance and ideas for creating more, help me see my kids for who they really are, etc.

Here's the interesting thing. First, just the act of writing these down in the "Universe" column will help you release them from the hamster wheel in your head. Second, the act of writing them down tells your brain/consciousness to tune into those things. Finally, doing the first two frees you up to focus on what you have committed to do. It's like making a deal with someone - a partner who will always keep his/her end of the deal.

Even more interesting, this is not so mysterious or woo-woo. In reality, every person, circumstance and idea that you need to do what you want to do, already exists in the world. The question isn't, "Is the money there?" or "Are there people who can inspire me?" The question is, "Will I notice them?" This morning exercise tunes you into the frequency of those things you want. In other words, it makes it more likely that you will notice them - and they, you. 

Give it a try. Here's quick YouTube video describing another version of this same idea. (Note: the video is available at the time I am writing this blog, but that can change over time.) 

What will you do today - and what will you hand over?

• waking up each morning to see the day as an edventure to be experienced;
• viewing setbacks with a sense of wonder;
• focusing on living in the moment;
• stretching your comfort zone; and
• living with an attitude of expectation.
  

This one is worth reading. These ideas mirror those I will be exploring this Saturday in Yarmouth, Maine in my new seminar, What Do I Want? How Do I Live It? Join me and we'll learn from Dr. Peppers, happy people who live to 100, and scores of others. What an adventure!

For more information on the March 20 seminar, visit
www.strengthsinfocus.com/cylseminar

 
Someone who wants to fall in love has a hard time considering the stranger they may rear-end on the way to work today - and marry next year. Someone who wants to change careers is unlikely to figure into their "planning" the perfect job they've never heard of or the small inheritance that will make their dream of returning to school possible. As far as our minds can consider, these don't yet exist, so can't be part of the equation. Except they are. We just can't be doing the calculating.
 
So if not "how," then what?

Exactly.

We keep our focus on "what!" When we get clear on the "what" and that "what" excites us and draws energy through us, then the next step becomes clear, then the next, then the next. Each step builds on the last and each step is built on the new people, events and circumstances created by the last step.
 
In an interview with Charlie Rose, Will Smith, whose movies have grossed more than $5 billion worldwide, said his success comes from never considering the size of the mountain he wants to climb. He just names what he wants, then lays down the first brick, then the next, then the next.
 
I remember a colleague of mine who wanted to go to a graduate program at Harvard. She didn't have the money, but really wanted to go. Step One: Get accepted - check. Once that was done, she had just a few months to come up with $50,000.  How could this ever be done? Step 2: She began to apply for little independent scholarship grants, those ones from the DAR or little family foundations. (How could she ever raise $50,000 in a few months doing this? What an unrealistic plan!) But one little application led to another, each referring her to the next, each piece of money contributing to a better and better story for the next application. She just kept following the energy and by the time she was done (just before the deadline), she had $50,000 - and her "what" - a masters degree from Harvard.
 
"How" was none of her business. She knew the "what" and let the energy of this dream drive the first step, which led to another, which led to another. It was an unrealistic plan, except that it worked. And it worked because she let the energy of her "what" be her guide. She stayed awake to her dream and let her action flow from her focus.  
 
All that is required is that the "what" energize you, fill you up, align with who you are. That has real organizing power - the power to attract the people, events and circumstances needed to accomplish your "how" - one step at a time. The "how" is none of your business.

©  2010  Chris Trout, Strengths in Focus

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If you'd like to truly know your "what" and begin moving toward it today,
join me on March 20th in Yarmouth, Maine for What Do I Want? How Do I Live It?
See how you can still get the early bird price… or even attend for free!

Why? Because its dishonest. No matter how "good" someone presents, the truth is that we are all on our own journeys, full of potholes and triggers and gremlins that bite us in the behind when we least expect it. That's the ride! That is what makes this all so interesting!

That is one of the reasons I have been so excited about the March 20 seminar (What Do I Want? How Do I Live It?) in Yarmouth. My journey has been one of allowing myself to teach what I "know." But true "knowing" requires risk and experimentation and, quite frankly, falling on your behind - sometimes hard! (I did that last year, when I presented Subtle Shifts, a seminar about getting out of your own way - which is exactly what I did NOT do myself!) The irony was not lost on me. It hurt. My inner judges had a field day! But I learned so much about trusting self and staying connected with core and "being enough."

It is the journey that teaches, and the more willingly we experience and notice that journey, the closer we get to our own "knowing." On March 20, it is that "knowing" that will transform lives. I can't wait - for you and for me!

To love life.  To be so filled with wonder and awe and excitement that life feels exquisitely full and precious.
To be satisfied… and to feel excited for what is to come.

Why do we feel this so deeply? Because this is, in fact, our purpose: To love life. We are here to fall in love, for when we are in love, we are lighter, more accepting, more engaged, more loving. We are smarter, more insightful, more creative and better problem-solvers. We have better ideas, enjoy the doing and, when we are tired, it is that luscious "good tired" that comes from exerting great energy doing what we love.

So we go about trying to control life so that we might feel this way - the right job, the right partner, the right house, the right thought. "As soon as" becomes our mantra. But life gets in the way and "as soon as" seems to slip away over and over again. We keep bumping into other people trying to control circumstances in ways that don't match ours.  We keep bumping into ourselves as the different parts of our life want different things - kids, partner, health, career, dreams, money… On and on the list goes, and there we are trying to "get it right" in every arena, so that we can finally feel good.

But loving life comes from loving life, not controlling life. A life filled with people and circumstances that we love comes from the practice of loving the people and circumstances of life. Crazy, I know! But when we allow ourselves to fall in love with life, to see and focus on all there is to love, and to even fall in love with our wanting, then the people and circumstances of our life seem to line up in a way that was never possible when we were trying to control it all.

This is the paradox and this is the power. Utterly satisfied with where we are… and eager for more.

I've been collecting snippets of interviews with joyful and successful people f0r the March 20th seminar, What Do I Want? How Do I Live It? As I do, I am amazed at how consistent this dynamic is. They all loved life when they were poor and unknown. They all are deeply curious and awe-struck by the journey. And they all are still eager for more.

Here's how it looks for me: I just can't wait to spend a day with a room full of people who want this. I can't wait to both inspire and experience that deep and profound wanting. I can't wait to see and feel the joy of discovery and that uncontainable energy of tuning in and turning on to possibility. I know how this changes lives and the thought of it alone inspires me and pulls me forward. This is the feeling that create worlds. 

To love life. That is life. 

Maybe not. Read Tom's article and think about whether your organization is responsive to the feelings and concerns of each stake-holder. I know when, as an administrator, I was clear on this, the money flowed with much greater ease. 

What story are you telling? And does your audience care?

1. We each have a remarkable inner navigation system to guide us to our own happiness.
2. The most powerful change tools available to us are our thoughts and our imagination.

Go Put Your Strengths to Work, by Marcus Buckingham, is a practical exploration of the life and work-changing ideas that grew out of decades of research by the Gallup Organization. If you want to go right back to the source (and if you like online surveys instead of self-reflection), check out Now, Discover Your Strengths by Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton.

Stumbling On Happiness, by Harvard psychology professor Daniel Gilbert, is am entertaining and highly informative exploration of the nature of our minds as revealed through dozens of research studies. Don't let the word "research" throw you. You'll feel more like you've just had a hilarious evening with Gilbert rather than a three hour college lecture.

The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: A Pocketbook Guide to Fulfilling Your Dreams, by Deepak Chopra, comes from a spiritual perspective, yet feels highly practical. You will find yourself nodding as you recognize truth after truth, and understand how these strategies can be integrated into your life.

The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, A Toltec Wisdom Book, by Don Miguel Ruiz, will challenge your sense of reality. Yet, you won't want to put it down. It's novel-like feel will keep you turning the pages, wanting to know more about this ancient insight into how we become who we are - and how we can return to our more authentic selves.

Change the Way You See Yourself: Through Asset-Based Thinking, by by Kathryn D. Cramer, Hank Wasiak, returns to the light and inspirational. If you like books with lots of graphics, photos, different size fonts, and short articles, this one is for you. The premise is simple: Look at yourself through a positive lens and you get different results. This is the sequel to their equally fun, Change the Way You See Everything through Asset-Based Thinking.

So there you go. Not a comprehensive list, but a great place to start. Enjoy!

Now it is law of attraction, a sometimes woo-woo concept that was swept into our consciousness by the marketing blockbuster, The Secret. On one side of this distinction are those who seem to make few distinctions, who talk about LOA as if we can just think a thought and, poof, the object of our desires will appear. It doesn't match our human experience, but is nonetheless held to be true. And if you don't get results, well, you probably just need their newest program to help you "get it." Interestingly enough, these are the same folks from whom I receive almost daily hard-sell marketing emails. Seems their thoughts aren't quite enough to get the job done.

Then there are the folks who don't push their message much at all. They rarely talk about manifesting mansions on the coast or Maseratis in the driveway. They focus on the journey. They know that feeling the joy of abundance is as important as having physical abundance, that beauty already exists in the world, if only we choose to see it. When I listen to these folks, it feels true. I can connect the dots and see that this law of attraction is nothing more than the negative thoughts spirals I know so well - in reverse!

It hardly seems fair that they both go by the same name, for they are nearly the antithesis of each other. One pushes, one allows; one demands, one seeks; one impatiently waits for the manifestation to appear, the other is already living the joy of what is. I want to explore the second.

In the coming weeks and months, I plan to develop ways for others to join me in these explorations. LOA for Skeptics, I'll call it. And like the paradox of all truth, by making the subtle distinction, we won't have to be skeptical at all.

Care to join me?  

• I heard that Facebook growth among people over 40 is 20 times that of younger users! 
• People started finding me on my Facebook.
  
• I opened a Twitter account and now have six followers. (I've got to get Twittering!)
• I became a featured writer (Health & Happiness) on Examiner.com

So what is the result of all this? Connection.

We are finding each other again. After losing the backyard fence and being suffocated by organized playgroups, we are finding each other again. After losing ourselves in wall to wall activities and community meetings, we are discovering the joy of chit-chat, the fun of swapping stories and laughing at our foibles and sharing a good joke. We are passing our vacation pictures around and sharing tips on kids, finance and where to get the best coffee in town.

Say what you will about the banality of it all, people are talking again. The chit-chat leads to sharing leads to talking about life and happiness and things that matter. It was a long dry spell there when we forgot what community is. But we are back.

As resilient as ever.

While interesting, this is the kind of study that leaves less fortunate folks scratching their heads. If you were not a smiley kid are you destined for a life of struggle, divorce and sadness? Or do we always have the opportunity to change this destiny? Can we decide, moment by moment, to change our thoughts? Can we choose joy now?

We can choose. It may not be as easy as being that naturally smiling kid in the photo album, but it is somehow richer when the discovery of joy comes from knowing both sides and choosing joy.