Jen Fox, author of Your Child's Strengths, put her finger right on it in her 12/9/08 blog, Road Block. Jen says, "The new question should be, 'What should children be doing that will both challenge and engage them to serve the ends of their own futures?' –not our idea of what their lives should look like." She's got it right.
]]>Yea, it seemed right to me, too.
]]>Listening to an NPR piece called "Student Reflections in Santa Claus Revelations" (from the youth radio project at Curie High School in Chicago), it was so sad to hear kids talk about when they found out Santa wasn't "real. What they had lost wasn't Santa, it was the wonder and magic of believing!
We never did have to deal with this dilemma at our house. In fact, I love the way we did it. When each child got to the age of questioning, we simply asked, "What do you want to believe?" We explained the consequences of saying out loud what others inferred. We asked if it mattered what was "real" as long as the magic was there. Each child considered the options, often for some time, before they came back and said, "I want the magic."
So Santa, along with the spirit of generosity and giving and magic, lives bright and strong in our house. We talk about it with a twinkle in our eyes, as if we share a secret that is ours alone. When our kids' friends asked if they believe, they'd say, "Well, yea. Don't you?" as they flashed that same knowing smile that invited their friends into the magic. We know the "truth" of course, but there's no way anyone here is going to break the spell. Where would we be without this little bit of magic?
A couple of weeks ago, I discovered that if I bounced the signal off the wall, it turned on only the TV. Great, right? So there I am, pointing the remote at the wall thinking, "This is so dumb, the TVs over there!" Every time, I'm thinking this. Two weeks later, I'm still thinking this… every time. Now how dumb is that?
Are you following this? I discovered what works, I don't have to get up off my duff, and no small animals were harmed in the making of this solution. But I'm still judging it! It's still an irritation! Is this sounding familiar to any of you?
Then it dawned on me that this is exactly what I do in other parts of my life, especially with the people I am closest to. I'll know what works, what makes me (and them) happy, what is healthy and valuable. I can see that it produces better results. Yet that that little voice inside can still be standing there like a spoiled child saying, "I shouldn't have to see it a new way!" And before I know it, I'm back doing what never worked in the first place. To extend the metaphor, I'm back to pointing the remote directly at the TV and grumbling as I get up to turn off the converter box. Amazing.
So the big challenge may not be so much how we see or what we understand, but quieting the old voices inside long enough to allow the rest of our system to catch up. How do you do it?
I think this is the most important and, quite frankly, the most potentially transformative election in my 52 years on this earth. Here is a candidate for president whose values, character and beliefs are aligned with my own. He speaks and acts from a strong strengths perspective. He genuinely values others and knows how to convey that respect, even when he disagrees. He believes that it is possible to live, both personally and as a country, with integrity and respect for others. He looks for what is right and seeks to grow it. He inspires hope. Barack Obama has all the qualities of a transformative person in the right place at the right time.
If elected, young people across this country, especially those of color, not to mention those with funny names or bodies or mismatched personalities, will be filled with hope, with a new belief that they can. Disenfranchised people sense that they just might be heard, that they just might have power. That they can. They look and see that he did it his way, with quiet confidence and constancy.
If elected, people all over the world will marvel at our ability to self-right, to change our minds, to learn, to grow. As a citizen of this country and of the world, I am excited in a way that I have never before experienced, and you can feel that electricity in the air.
Whatever happens on Tuesday, we will move forward and continue to grow and evolve and transform our lives. But it sure would be fun to do it with leadership and inspiration and an almost unbearable sense of hope and promise.
]]>First, unless you want to be miserable, strengths should never be defined as "what I do well." Most of us, especially if we are "competent" (that is, smart enough to figure most things out), have at least a few things we do well, but despise doing. They make us feel weak and suck the energy right out of us. These aren't strengths; they are skills or competencies.
Strengths are those qualities and activities that make you feel strong, that create energy in you, and that you love doing. Gratefully, these are often things we do well. Better than that, these are the areas where learning and growth is likely to be fast, easy and nearly limitless. In terms of ROI (return on investment), these are the activities (or ways of getting things done) that will require minimal investment of resources from your employer in exchange for huge growth. Making sure employees are using their strengths every day offers a great ROI for an organization.
Weaknesses, on the other hand, are those qualities and activities that make us feel weak, drain our energy, and that we despise doing. In terms of ROI, these are the activities (or ways of getting things done) that require a massive investment of resources in exchange for slow and minimal growth. Trying to grow employees' strengths offers a terrible ROI.
So assess whether the position for which you are interviewing will allow you to use your strengths. If so, share how you will maximize these strengths for the benefit the organization. If the position also requires that you work in your weaknesses, name the weakness and share with them 1) how you've learned to manage this weakness, or 2) how you would restructure the task to play more to your strengths, or 3) how you would utilize the strengths of others within the organization who would be faster and better at doing what is a weakness for you, but a strength for them. Explain the efficiencies of these strategies. Explain the ROI. Explain how you will save them money and increase productivity by not wasting your time and their money trying to get better at your weaknesses.
I'm no expert and don't pretend to offer expert advice here. What I do suggest is that the research now tells us that this is true. It seems to me that telling your potential employer how you will help them be better at what they do (at less cost, with higher productivity and lower turnover) can't be too bad a strategy.
Let me know what you think.
]]>I love you, Bob. You changed my life. You simply - and so profoundly - changed my life.
June 12, 2007: What does it feel like to feel cared for? Today, in a greasy spoon in southwestern Ohio, I discovered the answer to that question. Across from me sat “Diz,” a high school teacher I had not seen in more than 30 years. In my memory, Diz had been an ever present teacher and mentor, one of the good ones - teachers who knew how to connect with the kids in their class. After all, as far as I could tell, no one knew about the disaster that was my home life. I was a good student and a responsible kid, and I absorbed what I could from these kinds of teachers without blowing my cover.Except I didn’t just run into Diz. He wasn’t one of my teachers. I wasn’t benignly benefiting from an adult who just happened to be in my life. Over our second cup of coffee, I learned that Diz had simply chaperoned some of my trips with the school choir. But he recognized in me the look of a kid in pain, a kid with secrets and challenges being managed in the shadows. He decided, he told me, to simply make himself available to me.
“You mean you reached out on purpose?” I asked.
“Oh, yes.”
"What did you do?" I asked, searching my memory.
"Oh, nothing in particular. I just decided in my own head that I would be available to you."
Can you imagine how, as a kid, my “radar” must have locked onto that silent signal?
Can you imagine how it felt to learn that this lovely man, who I thought was just being a good guy, had seen through my bravado and purposefully decided to “make himself available” to me?
It felt like a life ring then. It feels remarkable now. Someone saw me and reached out - quietly, respectfully, expecting nothing in return. Someone cared… on purpose.
This is the opportunity available to us each day: not to solve problems, fix what is wrong or dramatically change the world, but to see through the clutter, send out the signal and trust the radar.
Who will you see today?
]]>So let's ask them what they've learned. In last week's Strengths Ezine, I shared designer Stefan Sagmeister's project called "Things I have learned in my life so far." (A 4-minute video about the creative ways he communicates these ideas can be found here.)
I am inviting you to ask the young people in your life: "What have you learned in your life so far?" Give them the tools and guidance to create art, music, dance, rap, poetry, photography, video or any other expressive communication to share these ideas.
Then send them to me. I will create a web page just for these projects - to share them with and inspire the world. Who knows, maybe we'll go "viral" and inspire millions!
]]>I am grateful… every day. Not because of what happens - that is so unpredictable and temporary - but because of what I expect to happen.
I expect to see beauty. I expect to love well and be loved. I expect to be healthy and feel vital. I expect to hear miracle stories. I expect to grow and discover and be in awe - a lot!
I also expect my gremlins to mock me and I expect to ignore them a move on. I expect to get lost in old useless recordings and I expect to notice and tell new ones that serve me better. I expect to blow it with my wife and my kids and even myself, and I expect to notice and make amends and be forgiven - by them and myself.
I expect this to be an adventure full of contrast and color.
Friday I celebrated my 52nd birthday and I noticed the journey… and for that I am most grateful.
]]>That is what Claim Your Life is all about. And I have never been so excited about a new project.
I am inviting eight people to join me in a year long journey to transform their lives. CYL will bring together all that we have learned from resilient kids, science, positive psychology, spiritual leaders, and our own lives in a focused and energized way. Our work will include individual coaching, group coaching, a mastermind group, partnering, learning seminars, videos, writing, "audacious accountability" and more.
We know what to do. Claim Your Life will create the insights, support and accountability to do it for ourselves. I expect nothing short of miracles and I already know what an honor it will be to witness these life changes, from the dramatic realization of long-dormant dreams or financial "success" to the simple daily experience of purpose, energy and joy.
If you are ready to move forward, I invite you to join me. In the name of attracting folks genuinely ready to move, it is my intention to put this group together very, very quickly. I've outlined all the details here and welcome your call. Ready?
]]>Don't you love it when you've been smart or insightful or creative… and didn't even know it? Over the past year, I have unintentionally written a huge collection of what might be called "Strengths Spotting," blogs about people and events in the world that reflect a focus on strengths. I've spotted, among others, Randy Pausch, Barak Obama, Tim Russert, the New York Times, a "Survivor" episode, Elaine Stritch and many more.
Imagine if we started see the world through this strengths lens, noticing what supports us, inspires us and fills us up - then share them with each other right here? I'll do my part. Add your noticings in the comments section below or send them to me. Together we'll start a trend:
Once again, a brilliant man of color has inspired this nation to see it's highest self. Forty-five years ago, MLK spoke to millions of African American's as the rest of the nation listened in and hoped he was right. Last week, Barak Obama spoke to millions of American's as the world listened in… and hoped he is right.
What an incredible reminder that we not only have the capacity, but the innate drive to be brilliant, magnificent, inspired - to evolve.
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