Strengths blog
The Mad Hatter on Strengths
In Katie's Blog, BBC reporter Katie Ledger refers to a conversation between Alice (in Wonderland) and the Mad Hatter that includes this great response when Alice explains, "Well, grown ups tell us to find out what we did wrong and never do it again."
The Mad Hatter responds, "That's odd! It seems to me that in order to find out about something, you have to study it. And, when you study it, you should become better at it. Why should you want to become better at something and then never do it again?"
Think about it! Is this what you will do with young people (or staff or colleagues) today?
To read the full Alice in Wonderland conversation, visit Katie's Blog.
Do something different
You've heard this before. When you are frustrated, baffled, stymied, at your wits end… Do something different. There is nothing quite as simple and powerful as giving your old way of seeing things a kick in the pants. I know. The impulse is to sit around pondering the "right" action. Could it be that doing just about anything unexpected will get better results?
Dig this video of 200 people in Grand Central Station, all freezing in place for five minutes at exactly the same time. My guess is that no one who witnessed this had the same day they would have without this mind shift. (Watch it now.)
Did you smile? Could you feel your energy change? Did the wiring in your brain kink up a bit?
Good. Now, today, when confronting that person or situation that has you frustrated, stymied, locked up, perplexed or downright lost, leave that serious-and-earnest-professional pill on your desk and just do something different. What you've been doing hasn't been working so well. What have you got to lose?
On being grouchy
This morning I felt grouchy. Truth be told, I wanted to be grouchy. I was getting something out of it and I didn't want anyone messin' with my mood! I also got this: I fell down and hurt my hand. I got in a argument with my wife. I ticked off my son. I couldn't find the website I was looking for. And it was way too cold outside! (How dare it be??)
Did I produce these events? Probably. And for those I didn't produce, I certainly produced the conditions of my response. I wasn't dressed appropriately for the cold. ("So? It could just ease off, couldn't it?") I walked on the ice instead of stepping around it. (What did I think would happen?) And on and on…
This is the reality of our "reality." We create it - and so, can recreate it. In her blog, The Happiness Project, Gretchin Rubin talks about this as "situation evocation." In short, we get back what we put out. As soon as I gave up feeling sorry for myself, I "evoked" a different response in others and in myself. I put out something different, I got back something different.
So how did I flip the switch? I think everyone has their own unique way. Mine was this: I said, "Listen here, Bub! Just exactly what is this getting you? Huh? Nothing? Only more pain to feel sorry for yourself about? So exactly why would you want to continue feeling this way? Let it go. The Universe loves you. Your wife loves you. Your kids and your friends, even your dog loves you. How 'bout if you get on board and love you too. The rest will follow. Capiche?"
Whatever your way, it means letting go of that whiny "I shouldn't have to change! I deserve to feel this way!" voice in your head and knowing - and I mean knowing - that you are the only one in charge. Do I make it sound too easy? It's not. It takes practice and repetition. But your brain will get it. It wants to get it. So experiment. Try different ways of talking to yourself, changing environments, thinking a new thought, getting active, whatever it takes. And before long, the time between feeling [fill in the blank] and flipping the switch to something new, will get shorter and shorter.
Now, go have a nice day!
Jenifer Fox gets it right
My message this week is simple and clear. Buy this book. The concepts are not brand new, though they will be to the millions who finally grasp them through this book. The call to action is not revolutionary, except that we have been asleep at the wheel for so long and are ready for change. The truth is obvious, but obvious is as obvious does, and we have been ignoring these obvious truths.
So why? Because in Your Child's Strengths, Jenifer Fox speaks with a clarity and simplicity that will excite you. You'll need no "I should read this" discipline to stay with this one. The stories jump off the page and onto the movie screen of your mind. Each chapter leaves you remembering your own childhood, your own parenting, your own relationships, and silently mouthing "well, of course." The ideas are so practical, you find yourself looking for the next opportunity to try them out.
In other words, Jenifer Fox has 327 pages of something incredibly valuable to say - and says it as if she were sitting across from you over dinner. When she says goodbye, you are energized and ready for more.
As I continue to foster the perceptual shift that allows us to see strengths in the midst of chaos and adversity, Jenifer Fox has provided an owner's manual for the Strengths Movement in our schools and homes. Congratulations Jenifer - and thank you.