A recent New York Times articles titled "You remind me of me" talks about the power of matching our body language, voice tone, rhythms, etc. to that of the person we are relating to. Psychologists, they report, "have found that immediate social bonding between strangers is highly dependent on mimicry, a synchronized and usually unconscious give and take of words and gestures that creates a current of good will between two people."
I would like to ask you, my readers, what conscious strategies you use to assure that you are heard when speaking to others. Is it the same with each person? Is it the same with adults and young people? Or does your style change slightly with each person you engage with?
Is this manipulation or just good communication? The Times article ends with this: "Everyone has the right to be charmed but not seduced." Use the comments function below to share your ideas about effective communication vs manipulation, both with and from kids.
Once again, marketing (with integrity) guru Tom Asaker has reported on an idea that has direct application to strengths development in kids – as well as our workplaces, homes, relationships and personal development.
In a recent blog, Tom comments on a study reported in a recent Journal of Personality and Social Development by University of Michigan's Professor Steven Garcia and others. While Garcia reports that "an opinion is likely to be more widely shared the more different people express it," the study also found that "hearing just one person express the same opinion multiple times had nearly the same effect on a listener's perception of the opinion being popular as hearing multiple people state the same opinion."
This is the drip, drip, drip effect I have written about before. Once we have identified and communicated a strength (and the evidence of it) once, we must notice and comment on the appearance of that strength every time we see it, over and over again. As was demonstrated in this study, this repetition (paired with the concrete evidence we provide) goes a long way toward establishing the information as credible and believable. This is the power of one. It's nice to have everyone on your team seeing and affirming strengths, but if you are the only one, keep on keeping on. Your repeated efforts are nearly as powerful as many people saying the same thing.
More about the study can be found in Tom's Blog, a clear eye.
It has been fascinating to watch Barack Obama over the past few months. (For those outside the US, Obama is a very serious Democratic candidate for President here.) His message has not really changed, but his delivery sure has. Just a couple of months ago, footage of his stump speech showed Obama delivering a message of hope in an arythmic, self-conscious style in which he seemed to be deciding what words to use even as he spoke them. The message was there on an intellectual level, and if you really bought into it you could be inspired, but he wasn't going to change anyone's mind.
Then, about six weeks ago he seemed to find his groove - as if he decided to just go for it. The words flowed with vitality and began to be delivered in a lilting, rhythmic cadence that hearkened back to John F. Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, and Martin Luther King. It was difficult not to get pulled into the current. he began to lift us up and make us believe that we are better than we believe ourselves to be.
Substance and effective delivery, hand in hand, are powerful. Either alone is worthy, but unconvincing. Same with kids. If we want them to see themselves through our eyes, we must not only be telling them an accurate truth worth telling, but deliver it in a way they can hear. The truth will set us free, but only if you can get my attention.
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