As the US presidential race heats up, I am reminded of the remarkable leaders (Robert Kennedy, Martin Luther King Jr. and others) who absolutely captivated my imagination as I was growing up. These were people of vision in the most literal sense. They held pictures in their head about what this nation could be and they communicated with words that evoked the same visions in our imaginations. When the vision was shared, it spoke to people’s hopes and dreams, it just filled you up to imagine that these pictures could become reality.
It seems to me that this is the measure of leadership, and the litmus test we might use to judge each candidate. While the pundits spend hours analyzing each candidates proposals to solve the great problems of the day, I can only think how much these specific plans depend on factors outside the candidate’s (or president’s) control. In the end (and perhaps this is how citizens end up making their decisions anyway), it seems to me that the most important question is this: Do the pictures the candidate carries around in his/her head about the future of of this nation/world match or enhance my own? And do I believe s/he will stay true to this shared vision. The rest is details and I know if they can get the vision right and communicate the vision so it is shared across millions of diverse citizens, then anything is possible. This is hope. I vote for hope.
I am reminded daily of how important it is to establish strengths focused habits, rituals that remind my brain that I want to it to acknowledge challenges and focus on strengths - whether it be in myself or in others. These are little acts like writing down these intentions, putting them someplace I will notice, jotting myself a note when I notice a strength at work, or taking 2-3 minutes at the end of the day to record little successes. Each of these small habits reminds my conscious brain what I want it to do - so my subconscious can then take care of the details.
The irony, of course, is that I am most likely to remember to do these rituals when I am least in need of them. Conversely, when I feel scattered, have been sick, am distracted, etc., I am the least likely to do these very acts that would be most helpful. That’s why we want to establish them as no-thought habits: so we are cued to do them even when we least want to.
So give yourself a gift. Choose one of these simple rituals (or one of your own) and commit to doing it daily for 30 days. It will become habit and you will be grateful for it when the rest of your system is falling back into default mode, where deficits, self-criticism, judgment of others and negative self-talk rule the day.
Why should I care if Lindsay Lohan is successful in her most recent hard life lessons? Yet I do care. It make me feel good to hear that she is taking time for herself, avoiding the people and places that supported her self-destructive ways, and trying to surround herself with positive, caring people.
I know that what I hear in the popular press is only half-likely to be true and not at all likely to represent the whole picture. I don’t go looking for the latest dish and I get annoyed when news programs report such drivel. Yet I like to hear good news. I want the positive stuff to be true. I want her to care for herself and overcome the adversity her parents have imposed on her life. It gives me hope.
So I’ll risk the “shallow” label (and assure you that I do seek out the “real” news.) Nonetheless.. Go Lindsay!I’ve read much about “helicopter parents,” who continue to stay deeply (and I mean DEEPLY) involved in their kids lives after they go to college, talking on the phone several times a day, intervening to solve their problems, even helping with assignments. I must confess, I don’t get it. Last week, I saw my son off to college 2500 miles away from home and though it was incredibly difficult, I can’t imagine cheating either one of us out of the pride and excitement of seeing him off on a new chapter of his life.
He was ready - nervous but ready. He left behind a bedroom that will require a small bulldozer and a case of disinfectant to clean, yet he had prepared for the transition, shipped everything he couldn’t take on the plane, planned his living budget, and knew what to do first when he got there. He and I are incredibly different and I don’t often understand his decision-making process, yet he will be living the life of an independent 20 year old, sharing an apartment off campus, buying a used car, buying his own groceries, washing his own clothes (I hope!) and making his own decisions.
He has had his share of challenges, but he has not only survived, but thrived. I am proud of him; incredibly proud. And he knows it. And he knows why. All the fun is in seeing him grow this way. All the joy is in seeing him become his own person. All the richness is in standing on the sidelines, ready 24/7 to help if and when he needs me - then stepping back into the shadows.
I’m going where the pay-off is - and loving the journey.
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