This blog is Chris’ opportunity to share thoughts, observations, ideas, and inspirations as they come, in a more frequent and informal way than the Strengths Ezine.
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Who wudda thunk it? The Associated Press and MTV asked 1280 young people, ages 13 to 24, “What makes you happy?” The number one answer? Spending time with family. Additionally, nearly three quarters of these young people said their relationship with their parents makes them happy.
I’ve seen this trend developing for many years. Fifteen years ago, parents would seem genuinely surprised when I told them that they were the most important people in their teenager’s lives. They would tear up when I told them how their kids talked affectionately of them in private, when no one else was around. But it seemed to be the big secret, and we thought of it as a healthy and natural part of adolescent development that kids were acting like their parents were the enemy. After all, aren’t teenagers supposed to reject their parents so they can establish their own identities, their autonomy?
But now many kids and their parents seem to openly like each other and enjoy spending time together. Recently, a neighbor who teaches high school went on and on about how openly kids talk about their love for their parents and how excited they seem when they talk about things they do together. Friends are definitely central (and rated number two in the AP/MTV poll), but it doesn’t seem to be an either/or proposition any longer.
Right about now all the psychologists and social workers and other helping professionals are trying to find the pathology in this new trend. We’ve all heard about helicopter parents and overprotectiveness and other versions of overinvolvement, but is this what we’re talking about? Is it possible that families are just healthier? Could it be that we have evolved and are, in fact, creating very different kinds of relationships than the ones we had with our parents?
I don’t know the answer to these questions? As in all truths, the answer probably lies somewhere in the middle. But it could be that we are witnessing a remarkable and transformative shift in the way kids and parents relate. What do you think? Click on “comment on this entry” below and share your observations, perceptions, and interpretation of this fascinating poll.
I like smart and insightful people - from any field of endeavor. One of the great joys of this work has been watching smart and insightful people with hugely diverse interests and realities come to the same conclusions about strengths, the power of perception and the importance of resiliency. So I was delighted when business branding expert Tom Asacker recently wrote a blog, Robbie Coltrain on Noise, that mirrors the qualities of transformative people.
Of course, Tom was talking about the nature of successful businesses, but here is some of what he said: “...This got me thinking about leadership brands and their inherent sense of calm. Organizations that… strategically focus on their audience and deliver value with each and every activity (or lack thereof), seem to be quieter and more subtle than others… They talk less and listen more. Their internal organization appears more composed and focused… Their marketing is also quieter, with less hype, less intrusion, and even less copy than others… It appears that the more valuable the brand, the less noisy it is...”
This sounds so much like the the way hundreds of people have described the transformative adults in their lives to me: quiet, self-assured, listened more than they talk, not a lot of noise. Hmm, maybe we can be transformative on purpose and by design. When we find ourselves working ever so hard, being very noisy about it, trying to sell ourselves to kids, maybe it is time to take a deep breath and just get very quiet and centered and solid inside. This is what kids really long for. You can keep your flashy program if I can have one solid adult I can really count on.
This is a remarkable time in our evolution as human beings. Our understanding, or least our perceived understanding of how perception impacts our emotions, our actions and, in fact, our realities has grown exponentially over the last two decades. We’ve come to realize that we have a level of choice about the way we feel, perceive and act that is far beyond what we had previously imagined possible. It was not so long ago that it was taken as truth to say, “You can’t control your feelings, but you can control your actions.” It seems so much more complicated now to say, “You may not be able to control your initial reaction to an event, but you can certainly change how you choose to perceive that event and that will change your feelings and that will change the action you wish to take.” (Far too often for me, I hear mothers and fathers who actually talk like this. The kids look completely bored and ready to move on before the parents get halfway through their explanation of how the universe works.)