As I watched coverage of the devastation in China this week, I was reminded how unstable, amorphous and ultimately meaningless our perception of "adversity" is. Years ago, I facilitated a special story-telling project with a group of teens in an alternative program. As we went around the circle, each student shared their stories of the abuse, abandonment, alcoholism and violence that had defined their lives. Last to speak were two new students, recent immigrants from Sudan. They described being forced to watch as family members were murdered before their eyes, being kidnapped in the middle of the night and taken to warehouses where they spent their days crouching face down on the floor, each day a pistol pressed to their heads as a soldier declared, "Today you will die."
Somehow the previous stories - heart-wrenching as they were - paled in comparison. These boys were in a whole other league, a very different set of standards for "adversity." Focusing on the hurt and harm of these experiences had no meaning, for they had no answers and no end.
It was only when we turned the conversation to how each student had survived their own adversity that the students found common ground. Here was information they could use. Here they understood each other and could learn from each other. Here they all found hope.
Someone always has it worse than us. The level of hurt and harm has never defined the level of resiliency and success. The question is this: After we name and observe the hurt and harm, what do we do next?
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Comments on this entry
What a great entry. My parents always told us when we would complain that when you htink you have it bad put it into perspective as many others have it much worse than you. But along with that “putting it into perspective” philosphy they would add “now what are you going to do to make things better for yourself and others?” I am glad I had there guidance and encouragement and wish all children had the love and support that I had. Keep up the good work Chris.