On being grouchy

By Chris Trout | March 9, 2008

This morning I felt grouchy. Truth be told, I wanted to be grouchy. I was getting something out of it and I didn't want anyone messin' with my mood! I also got this: I fell down and hurt my hand. I got in a argument with my wife. I ticked off my son. I couldn't find the website I was looking for. And it was way too cold outside! (How dare it be??)

Did I produce these events? Probably. And for those I didn't produce, I certainly produced the conditions of my response. I wasn't dressed appropriately for the cold. ("So? It could just ease off, couldn't it?") I walked on the ice instead of stepping around it. (What did I think would happen?) And on and on…

This is the reality of our "reality." We create it - and so, can recreate it.  In her blog, The Happiness Project, Gretchin Rubin talks about this as "situation evocation." In short, we get back what we put out.  As soon as I gave up feeling sorry for myself, I "evoked" a different response in others and in myself. I put out something different, I got back something different.

So how did I flip the switch? I think everyone has their own unique way. Mine was this: I said, "Listen here, Bub! Just exactly what is this getting you? Huh? Nothing? Only more pain to feel sorry for yourself about? So exactly why would you want to continue feeling this way?  Let it go. The Universe loves you. Your wife loves you. Your kids and your friends, even your dog loves you. How 'bout if you get on board and love you too. The rest will follow. Capiche?"

Whatever your way, it means letting go of that whiny "I shouldn't have to change! I deserve to feel this way!" voice in your head and knowing - and I mean knowing -  that you are the only one in charge. Do I make it sound too easy? It's not. It takes practice and repetition. But your brain will get it. It wants to get it. So experiment. Try different ways of talking to yourself, changing environments, thinking a new thought, getting active, whatever it takes. And before long, the time between feeling [fill in the blank] and flipping the switch to something new, will get shorter and shorter.

Now, go have a nice day!