Last summer, I wrote the following post about my dear friend and teacher Bob Dizney. This week, Bob's body finally gave in to a long battle with cancer and his bright spirit burst into the non-physical consciousness of the Universe. For John, his beloved longtime partner, and for the many, many people whose lives were touched by this gentle man, I repeat it here.
I love you, Bob. You changed my life. You simply - and so profoundly - changed my life.
June 12, 2007: What does it feel like to feel cared for? Today, in a greasy spoon in southwestern Ohio, I discovered the answer to that question. Across from me sat “Diz,” a high school teacher I had not seen in more than 30 years. In my memory, Diz had been an ever present teacher and mentor, one of the good ones - teachers who knew how to connect with the kids in their class. After all, as far as I could tell, no one knew about the disaster that was my home life. I was a good student and a responsible kid, and I absorbed what I could from these kinds of teachers without blowing my cover.Except I didn’t just run into Diz. He wasn’t one of my teachers. I wasn’t benignly benefiting from an adult who just happened to be in my life. Over our second cup of coffee, I learned that Diz had simply chaperoned some of my trips with the school choir. But he recognized in me the look of a kid in pain, a kid with secrets and challenges being managed in the shadows. He decided, he told me, to simply make himself available to me.
“You mean you reached out on purpose?” I asked.
“Oh, yes.”
"What did you do?" I asked, searching my memory.
"Oh, nothing in particular. I just decided in my own head that I would be available to you."
Can you imagine how, as a kid, my “radar” must have locked onto that silent signal?
Can you imagine how it felt to learn that this lovely man, who I thought was just being a good guy, had seen through my bravado and purposefully decided to “make himself available” to me?
It felt like a life ring then. It feels remarkable now. Someone saw me and reached out - quietly, respectfully, expecting nothing in return. Someone cared… on purpose.
This is the opportunity available to us each day: not to solve problems, fix what is wrong or dramatically change the world, but to see through the clutter, send out the signal and trust the radar.
Who will you see today?
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