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Strengths blog
Know my name
Last week - while my duaghter was away for her fourth year at the creative arts camp mentioned below - I spent nine hours/day helping with a day camp for kids from 5 to 12 years of age. It was exhausting - and reminded me of how undervalued our educators can be. So as we enter the new school year, I wanted to extend a gift to all the teachers, social workers and other helping professionals who seek to be transformative in the lives of our children. This was first published in 2007.
I was reminded this week of one of the most powerful (and, of course, painfully simple) techniques to lay the groundwork for transformative relationships. We - my wife, my daughter and I - had arrived at a beautiful creative arts camp full of anxiety and questions. Our daughter was to be away from us for 12 days with nothing but letters to link us to her experiences with these new adults and friends. As we walked down the path to a world of strangers, the same question ran through all our minds: "What were we thinking! What if (fill in the blank with everything that can go wrong) happens and we can't reach each other?"
Before we had rounded the corner, a lovely young woman walked up the path to greet us with the words, "This must be the Trout family!" Our mouths gaping with surprise, she explained that she remembered our daughter's application photo and had been to my web site where she saw mine. Why? With scores of campers arriving that day, why did she know us? I can't begin to explain the feelings of trust and attachment that formed in that instant. She would look after my daughter. She was a good person. Everything would be alright. I knew logically that these things might not be true - but she knew our name!
I've seen this dynamic at work time after time in my travels: the Principle who greets every student in her school by name - every morning and requiring direct eye contact with every one; the Teacher who greets each new student by name and reflects some little piece of personal information she has about them - before they say a word; the Facilitator who remembers every participant's name after the initial introductions; the inner city neighbor who greets every kid on the street by name - and whose home is never, ever vandalized. Like Norm on the old Cheers television program, we all want to go "where everybody knows your name."
So, as fall arrives and you reflect on how you can really make a difference, remember KISS (keep it simple, stupid) and do the obvious before you lay plans for all the complicated programmatic or educational strategies. The young people and parents in your world will feel like I felt this week and entrust you with their very best. The rest is easy.
What if you didn’t have to do it all?
Esther Hicks (Abraham-Hicks) talks about a simple process that I have found to be very, very powerful. When you sit down to plan your day, pull out a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle of it. At the top of one column, write "Me." At the top of the other, write "Universe." In the "Me" section, list those things you'd like to take care of: finish a project for work, pick up the groceries, get the kids off to a good start for their day, etc.
In the "Universe" section, list those tasks you'd like the Universe to take care of: bring me people and circumstances that inspire me and make me laugh, bring me evidence of my own abundance and ideas for creating more, help me see my kids for who they really are, etc.
Here's the interesting thing. First, just the act of writing these down in the "Universe" column will help you release them from the hamster wheel in your head. Second, the act of writing them down tells your brain/consciousness to tune into those things. Finally, doing the first two frees you up to focus on what you have committed to do. It's like making a deal with someone - a partner who will always keep his/her end of the deal.
Even more interesting, this is not so mysterious or woo-woo. In reality, every person, circumstance and idea that you need to do what you want to do, already exists in the world. The question isn't, "Is the money there?" or "Are there people who can inspire me?" The question is, "Will I notice them?" This morning exercise tunes you into the frequency of those things you want. In other words, it makes it more likely that you will notice them - and they, you.
Give it a try. Here's quick YouTube video describing another version of this same idea. (Note: the video is available at the time I am writing this blog, but that can change over time.)
What will you do today - and what will you hand over?
How to respond to the pull of negative thoughts
"If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought."
~ Peace Pilgrim
~ Peace Pilgrim
A client recently posted this quote from Gratefulness.org. While I love it, I immediately thought about what a double-edge sword it represents. On the one hand, it is certainly true. I notice this especially when I have strung together many days of aligned thinking. I see the manifestations and think, "I did that! That is a reflection of my thoughts just a few days ago." Then I think about the times when I get "stuck" in my old negative narrative. Those days are always followed by days where no one calls, no coincidences happen and no new ideas flow. It is true. The more I understand the power of my thoughts, the less I want to spend any time in negative ones.In fact, I want to avoid them like the plague! And there, my friend, is the rub. If I try to fight against the negative thoughts, I just get more of them. Why? Because in my fighting against them, I am focusing on them. And where you focus, grows.
The second rub? If I am hyper-aware of the negative consequences of negative thoughts, it is easy to become fearful or worried about my negative thoughts - which focuses my attention on them, thus creating more of the same. Jeez! I'm exhausted already!
So what to do? We must be gentle and compassionate with ourselves about negative thoughts. They are a natural part of our journey, a consequence of living in a world of diversity and contrast. We get aligned and feeling light and joyful, then BAM, some life experience - a call from a family member, a tragic event, even a news report - and BAM, I'm out of alignment and lost in negative interpretations. So, I work myself back into alignment and while I'm there I think about money (or, more accurately, the lack of it) and BAM, that thought pulls me out. This is the nature of this journey. This is life.
So our job becomes one of gently shifting our thoughts to the new story. Not fight against the old, not wrestle those negative thoughts to the ground; just gently shift my thoughts to the new. We do this persistently, but not with the tension of "determination." We keep this intention, but without the insistence of making it a goal.
The primary flow of energy in the world is a flow of well being. All we need do is persistently and gently shift our thoughts to the new story, allowing ourselves to move into this downstream flow of abundance and love and appreciation. Like a loving mother who gently moves her baby away from the electrical socket - over and over and over again - we gently re-direct our thoughts. No blame. No judgment. No harshness. We simply know it is the most natural thing in the world, and soon the new story will be more interesting and more rewarding than the old. See? Over here, over here, over here.
Dispassionate Noticing
Welcome to my first video blog. I thought you might enjoy hearing instead of reading. Please comment and let me know what you think! This one is about a concept that has been transformative for so many people - "dispassionate noticing." Enjoy.
Every day an adventure
"I read in a recent article that of the 60,000 people who lived to be over 100 years old in the United States last year, the single most important characteristic they had in common was their ability to be positive in the face of change. They were able to look at things objectively, put them in perspective and move on. They didn’t try to control the uncontrollable."
So says Dr. Debra Peppers in a recent article in the St. Louis Globe-Democrat called Spicing It Up: The Science of Happiness. Dr. Peppers, a professional speaker and member of the national teachers Hall of Fame, goes on to talk about:
- waking up each morning to see the day as an edventure to be experienced;
- viewing setbacks with a sense of wonder;
- focusing on living in the moment;
- stretching your comfort zone; and
- living with an attitude of expectation.
This one is worth reading. These ideas mirror those I will be exploring this Saturday in Yarmouth, Maine in my new seminar, What Do I Want? How Do I Live It? Join me and we'll learn from Dr. Peppers, happy people who live to 100, and scores of others. What an adventure!