Guiding philosophy

We have known for some time that how we see ourselves impacts our every thought, word, and action.  (Paradoxically, we also know that our every thought and word shapes our actions and self-perception, but I digress.)  If we believe ourselves to be incompetent, troublemaking losers, we will act like incompetent, troublemaking losers—even while we may: 

• persevere in the face of a horrible home life...
• see the humor in the tragedy around us...
• care deeply for the siblings who have yet to walk our path...
• be resourceful and innovative in our ability to secure food, safety and support..
• provide leadership to others who live at the fringes. 

Why do we—as parents, teachers, social workers, police, and other caring adults—so often overlook these incredible strengths in favor of trying to fix the deficits?

Because it is what we know, it is what we can see, it is what we have learned to do, not just for others, but for ourselves, as well. So we focus on deficits—and deficits is what we get. Even when we try to focus on the "good stuff," it ends up feeling phony and without substance.

But there is another way.

Somewhere between the spirit-numbing effect of trying to "fix" what we perceive is wrong with kids—and the mind-numbing impact of "everything-you-do-is-wonderful" self-esteem building—is a place where young people come to know their specific, authentic and unique strengths. It is not a guessing game and these strengths are not mysterious or invisible.  They may be the very strengths that helped them survive in the face of adversity, but along the way have been labeled  maladaptive, problematic or just plain annoying.  They may be strengths that have lain dormant under the weight of these labels. In any case, the evidence abounds and we are the guides—if only we can develop the ability to see.

SIF is committed to inspiring, teaching and supporting parents mentors and professionals in this dynamic shift in perspective—then knowing what to do next!  This process of seeing and naming the strengths, effectively reflecting them back to each young person in a way s/he can hear and absorb, and helping them begin to live from these strengths, is rich and fluid. It is, in fact, an improvisation we enter into with each young person that requires that we be fully present, clear on our intent and ready to adapt to the changes.

Oh, yes.  The pay-off is that we get results. Young people transform before our eyes. We feel more joyful and less exhausted—even as we work much harder! And our lives are transformed as we learn to see and live from our own strengths.

This Guiding Philosophy is informed by remarkable researchers, teachers and pioneers like Emma Werner & Smith, Steven and Sybil Wolin (Project Resilience), Marcus Buckingham, Nan Henderson (Resiliency in Action), Martin Seligman and many others—all filtered through my unique experiences over 30 years of exploration with children and adults of all ages. Your job is to filter it through yours.